Pride and self-centeredness walk hand in hand, never far from one another…
God’s gifts are a paradox. His very gifts to us of reason, intellect, curiosity, health, attractions are often what lead us to pride, vanity and indulgence. Why was I given gifts freely, not earned or merited, only to misspend them? A spoiled youth spent amid wasted precious gifts.
Our life is like a house. There is what we plan to build. Then there is what we actually build which includes dead-ends, bric-a-brac, unfinished rooms, the stuff of our ambitious dreams. What would we have built had we used God’s blueprint?
Time changes us and our perceptions. When I was a child I could understand the mercy, but not the fairness of the parable of the Prodigal Son. My focus was on justice and judgment. I identified more with the good son, and could not understand why the best would be sacrificed upon the return of the prodigal. Age has given me greater understanding. How often was I the lost lamb in perilous places, unaware of the dangers, watched over and given unseen mercy? Returning home as the prodigal reveals the richness and wonder of that mercy.
‘King Lear’ is a powerful study of human nature. When Lear is at the height of his kingly power he is blind to the true nature of things. He glories in flattery, and does not recognize the true love of his daughter, Cordelia. Only when he is storm-buffeted, aged and blind does he see clearly. The fool is the wise man in the play. King Lear is the fool. It has been at my lowest, most desperate times, that, like Lear, I have seen most clearly.
As the Sufi poet and mystic, Rumi, spoke of God: You are everything. You are the doubt and the proof. A paradox, beyond our understanding.
This entry is a bit rambling, touching on themes that I know I will revisit. I will leave you with a bit of Bruce Springsteen from ‘Racing in the Streets’:
“Tonight my baby and me we’re gonna ride to the sea And wash these sins off our hands.”